"Don't Be Shy Call A Friend"

"How Are You Doing?"

  Don't be shy, Call a friend. Let her know you're stressed or hurting or confused. Receive the comfort your friend has to give. Then, when your spirits have been lifted even a little, celebrate with some your favorite comfort foods. A good friend says, "How are you doing?" And really wants to know. We all want to be better friends. And yet, sometimes the thing we want most of all is someone who can be a good friend to us.We know certain friends we can count on as sources of great comfort when we are hurting or struggling. We want to be able to tell them anything (and just about do) with full confidence that even the most sordid confession will not cause them to waver in their love for us. These individuals who fall into this category are not judgmental or critical of our shortcomings.

 

As a general rule, they don't usually offer pat answers or microwave solutions. Instead, they encourage us, hold us accountable, give us passionate advice that we occasionally follow, and laugh and cry with us. Now, I'll be the first to admit that friends like this are hard to find. And yet it's worth the effort to cultivate friendships like these.When the name of the game is pain, sometimes we just need someone to talk to. Yet how do we choose that person? If we don't have a history with friends we know we can trust, how do we decide with whom we can open up? How can we be fairly confident that the person to whom we are baring our very souls will not recoil in horror, blush with embarrassment, shake a shaming finger, or give dangerous advice in answer to our dilemma?

 

Looking for someone in whom you can confide? Here's a few characteristics you might want to consider before you decide who your going to call. Think about vulnerability and choose someone who has been vulnerable and transparent with you. If you have a friend who has never let you past her facade of perfection, you might want to think twice before blurting out your deepest and darkest secrets over a cup of coffee.

You also need to think about confidentiality and choose someone who practices confidentiality. I know a woman who brims with entertaining tales from the lives of other people, some whom I know, most of whom I've never met. This is nothing malicious in her stories, she just can't keep a secret. Most of the time if someone is talking to you about other people behind their backs she is talking about you behind your back too. Not everyone has mastered the art of discretion! Don't call Miss Busy Body in fact always give The Miss Busy Bodies in your life a busy signal in other words life is good and keep on going.

You probably already have a story or two to share about a time when a good friend gave you advice that went against your own values and you were left feeling even more up set because their values were completely different from your. Always make sure you choose someone who shares your values and strives to make wise choices. If one of your girlfriends has dumped her last four husbands because they left the toilet seat up, you might want to think twice before seeking advice about your martial woes.

It's okay to choose someone who has experienced the kind of pain or struggles that you are dealing with. Do they have all the answers? No way. Sometimes they are struggling too. But knowing the two of you have walked down a similar path and whatever answers you arrive at will be shared between the two of you in a heartbeat. A good friend will listen and know instinctively when you need an encouraging word and stop and smell the roses along the way with you.

~Carol East~